Monday, August 1, 2016

Trump Wants a Blanket Ban on All DJs Entering the Country

Written by Dave Brooks — What is it with these EDM DJs? They do not share our values. They just stand at they’re massive DJ consoles and wave their hands in the air. They keep telling us to wait for the bass to drop. Here’s the thing David Guetta… I’m tired of waiting.

This lack of guitar amps and drum pedals is killing music. Big rock shows like Pitchfork and Govenor’s Ball now have huge areas of the festival where security guards wearing AC/DC t-shirts won’t even patrol. There’s even a tent at a MAJOR festival in Indio where only EDM music is played. Its name? You’re not gonna believe this folks. The Sahara Tent. That’s right… Sa-Ha-RA. The people in this tent are totally incapable of policing themselves.

Worst off, these DJs are demanding performance credits on songs they don’t even sing! Why the hell should Calvin Harris get credit for the song “This is What You Came For” when it’s clearly Taylor Swift Rhianna singing into autotune. It’s time for Donald J Trump to call for a complete and total shutdown of DJs entering the country, until we can figure out what the hell is going on. That may sound a bit unpresidential, but fear not. His advisors are currently working on Trump to soften his position. One source told us he’s considering only banning DJs from Scandinavian countries….as well as all Muslims.

This is satire.

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